your mother said it was a big mistake
because you were unplanned
like most of us
an accidental miracle
but Christ there must have been some Passion once
one brief moment of surrender
you took your opportunity
to find a home
it was a fight
swimming against the tide
survivor of a shipwreck in the night
one chance in millions
courageous wee fish
my tadpole prince
you just did what you had to
to survive
no blood came with the moon
and soon there was sickness everyday
we knew you were in there
you'd not let us forget
I said say yes to life
let nature take its course
the seed the fruit
her belly growing plump
buxom her bosom
swelling full of milk
but she was always flirting with death
right from the start
anything to do with life was wrong
falling
pregnant
living in sin
not all that original
why not rise
in procreation
regenesis this generation
me and you were happy to continue
innocent at play
in the Garden of Eden
you were as yet inchoate
half-formed evolving
somewhere between
rough draft and fair copy
but you had potential
validity and value
as much as her and me
you needed us to be
m or f the gender didn't matter
I only wanted you to be alive
intact undamaged from your passage
out of that dark tunnel into light
we came so close
I felt you in her
she saw the scan
there is no photo
your bloody birth was the death of you
I need a midwife to deliver me
of this bereavement
the abrupt transition
from gravid to grave
your time came too soon
womb and tomb in one dead season
slaughtered rhythm rhyme and reason
how can I aestheticize that pain
as if it's war photography
my brave unnamed soldier
a corpse become a pleasing composition
in grainy black and white
the general anaesthetic has worn off
the wound is tender red and raw
this subject sore to touch
you were near enough
to the legal limit
to make it much more
than a heavy period
nipped in the bud poor little flower
grim reaper got you prematurely
dismiss it as a Termination
or christen it with some new name
a gentle euphemism makes the nasty nice
maybe different words can mean the same
my baby her baby our baby whose
who threw the deciding dice
when we all stood to lose
who won
when baby she and me
each lost each other
it is a woman's right to choose
I had no choice
you had no voice to use
I lost the baby and the mother
I'm lost too
my baby died
my loved one left
and I am left not quite alive
five months gone
she went
the milk of human kindness
curdled in her breast
she might have wept in secret
there was no regret expressed
now there's me and a gap
where my baby used to be
unbridgeable the distance
between life and non-existence
you didn't stay
nor did you fully go away
your ghost still haunts me everyday
we never said goodbye
at least not properly
you didn't even get a decent burial
you would be talking by now
I wonder what you'd say
to your mother and your father
if you could speak today
I'd dearly love to believe
you've gone to a better place
beyond the Milky Way
free at last in space
here between these sheets
stained with blood and semen
how can I ever conceive
of another gestation again
how can I anaesthetize that pain
bye
Davy King
photo-diagram of female foetus at 5 months
The legal limit for abortion in the UK is currently 24 WEEKS