(Scene: Somewhere in Mummerset. A Local Yokel, stereotypical rustic, enters, sniffing the air…..)

That's PIGSHIT innit? Oh argh, that's PIGSHIT alright. I know my PIGSHIT. Ain't no mistakin' PIGSHIT. World of a difference between real fresh PIGSHIT & any old cowdung.

Sheepshit, goatshit, duckshit, chickenshit, horseshit, donkeyshit - you can keep it. Give me PIGSHIT anyday. (Sniffs deeply, appreciatively.) Mmm. That's PIGSHIT alright.

(Voice from off) BULLSHIT!

Local Yokel: Nonsense. That ain't no BULLshit. That's PIGSHIT that is. Smell it a mile away. Wouldn't catch me spreading no BULLshit. I'm a PIGSHIT man I am. Swear by it. Fucking BULLshit ent no use to anyone. You stick to PIGSHIT if you want to make a proper job of it.

Finest manure in the land. Well, on the land really. You spread it on the land, PIGSHIT. Forget all that twaddle about muck spreading. Artificial Fartilizers. If you've got to spread summat, make it PIGSHIT.

All those toffee-nosed townies with their fancy-talk about faeces & excrement, why don't they just come out with it straight & call it PIGSHIT. Ain't nothin' to be ashamed of about PIGSHIT. Why I've known farmers who'd give an arm & a leg for a good load of PIGSHIT. PIGSHIT? Lovely stuff.

(Walks away) Just a minute. (Turns up sole of shoe.) Urgh! DOG-shit!

Farmyard2.jpg (62323 bytes)



Feeding Pigs

Year of the Pig

Toilet Humour?

The Bum (banned by the BBC)

Fascinating Facts about Farting

Sewage (Diry Seaside Postcard)

Methane Digesters & Wind Power?

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi

[NB Embedded Sound requires Internet Explorer]

a - z